Thursday, May 10, 2012
Friday, August 26, 2011
Funny Status Messages....
Ⓟⓛⓔⓐⓢⓔ ⓓⓞⓝ’ⓣ ⓑⓤⓡⓢⓣ ⓜⓨ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔⓢ
I hate when I miss a call by a few seconds, call the person back and they don`t answer.
You can rely on me. I’ve been married. I’m trained to follow orders.
The reason worry kills more people than work is because more people worry than work.
On a walk, my son saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry.
I hate change. I didn’t used to. But I’ve changed.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re not in enough hot water.
You don’t poke me as often as you used to.
Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.
“I knew you’d be back.” -The Drawing Board
I don’t know why I should learn Algebra. I’m never likely to go there.
My dentist just won Dentist of the Year. All he got was a little plaque.
Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you’re wrong, admit it, and, when you’re right, shut up.
My healthcare plan is pretty simple. I’m covered as long as I stay healthy.
When you don’t know where you’re going, every road will take you there.
Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends.
Hard work never hurt anybody. But I’m hoping the boss will be first.
Me and my bestfriend can communicate just with face expressions.
I know the exact day I gave up exercise. It’s on my birth certificate.
Google must be a woman, it knows everything.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Battery low please charge! 1% █ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅]
Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Getting overwhelmed with the amount of things to do and ending up not doing anything at all.
The nice thing about being single is I’m always there when I need me.
I get a lot of mental exercise by thinking up exotic ways to avoid physical exercise.
No, I dont have bad handwriting. I have my own font.
“Always remember me.” – Anonymous.
I hate when I miss a call by a few seconds, call the person back and they don`t answer.
You can rely on me. I’ve been married. I’m trained to follow orders.
The reason worry kills more people than work is because more people worry than work.
On a walk, my son saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry.
I hate change. I didn’t used to. But I’ve changed.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re not in enough hot water.
You don’t poke me as often as you used to.
Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.
“I knew you’d be back.” -The Drawing Board
I don’t know why I should learn Algebra. I’m never likely to go there.
My dentist just won Dentist of the Year. All he got was a little plaque.
Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you’re wrong, admit it, and, when you’re right, shut up.
My healthcare plan is pretty simple. I’m covered as long as I stay healthy.
When you don’t know where you’re going, every road will take you there.
Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends.
Hard work never hurt anybody. But I’m hoping the boss will be first.
Me and my bestfriend can communicate just with face expressions.
I know the exact day I gave up exercise. It’s on my birth certificate.
Google must be a woman, it knows everything.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Battery low please charge! 1% █ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅]
Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Getting overwhelmed with the amount of things to do and ending up not doing anything at all.
The nice thing about being single is I’m always there when I need me.
I get a lot of mental exercise by thinking up exotic ways to avoid physical exercise.
No, I dont have bad handwriting. I have my own font.
“Always remember me.” – Anonymous.
Funny Facebook Status Messages....
If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, we’d find them in about 15 minutes.
I hit the control key but I’m still not in control.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
In the restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”
It’s time to stop making the same old mistakes in your life. Get creative. Make some new ones.
Be patient. The longer you wait for me, the sooner I will arrive.
Some things are better left unsaid … like those times you criticize me.
A surprise party is a great way to show your girlfriend how awesome you are at lying to her face.
Don’t listen to their foolishness. Listen to mine!
If you’re not part of the solution, you must be a consultant.
Having nothing to say has never stopped most people from saying it.
You can’t make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Steve Jobs’ text was meant to say: “I reign as CEO of Apple” autocorrect gone bad strikes again!
While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgement.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
The only time I ever nap is after hitting the snooze button. I took 32 naps this morning.
There’s no known cure for an infectious smile.
The great work must go forward. As soon as we all find somebody else to do it.
I’m trying to keep up with the changes but the changes are winning.
My short term memory loss is growing longer.
It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put dishes in it.
Anybody who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t know the first thing about women or fractions.
I hate to see food go to waist.
People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die.
I’m willing to put in longer hours at work. As long as they’re lunch hours.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be “bad at following directions”.
The awkward moment when someone tells you how much they hate someone, and then the next day they’re best friends.
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
Whoever said “nothing is impossible” has obviously never seen me doing nothing.
I haven’t been to work in four days. I’ve almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.
Smoke detectors need to be tested from time to time. So, sometimes I cook something.
My gas tank goes from zero to $30.00 in under a minute.
If you get lost, remember, you can always find up by looking directly at the sun.
I bought a pair of running shoes today. I hope they come back.
Thank goodness pets can’t talk, they all know too much.
Facebook – Where people go from SINGLE to IN A RELATIONSHIP to MARRIED to IT’S COMPLICATED then SINGLE in one day.
I always say; if you can’t say anything nice, we have a lot in common.
The Internet is the world’s greatest source of things you don’t really need.
I think my smart phone is broken…. I pressed my home button but I’m still at work.
Do you ever stop and think about the days before Facebook, when you would do something and actually not tell anyone?
I hit the control key but I’m still not in control.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
In the restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”
It’s time to stop making the same old mistakes in your life. Get creative. Make some new ones.
Be patient. The longer you wait for me, the sooner I will arrive.
Some things are better left unsaid … like those times you criticize me.
A surprise party is a great way to show your girlfriend how awesome you are at lying to her face.
Don’t listen to their foolishness. Listen to mine!
If you’re not part of the solution, you must be a consultant.
Having nothing to say has never stopped most people from saying it.
You can’t make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Steve Jobs’ text was meant to say: “I reign as CEO of Apple” autocorrect gone bad strikes again!
While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgement.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
The only time I ever nap is after hitting the snooze button. I took 32 naps this morning.
There’s no known cure for an infectious smile.
The great work must go forward. As soon as we all find somebody else to do it.
I’m trying to keep up with the changes but the changes are winning.
My short term memory loss is growing longer.
It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put dishes in it.
Anybody who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t know the first thing about women or fractions.
I hate to see food go to waist.
People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die.
I’m willing to put in longer hours at work. As long as they’re lunch hours.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be “bad at following directions”.
The awkward moment when someone tells you how much they hate someone, and then the next day they’re best friends.
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
Whoever said “nothing is impossible” has obviously never seen me doing nothing.
I haven’t been to work in four days. I’ve almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.
Smoke detectors need to be tested from time to time. So, sometimes I cook something.
My gas tank goes from zero to $30.00 in under a minute.
If you get lost, remember, you can always find up by looking directly at the sun.
I bought a pair of running shoes today. I hope they come back.
Thank goodness pets can’t talk, they all know too much.
Facebook – Where people go from SINGLE to IN A RELATIONSHIP to MARRIED to IT’S COMPLICATED then SINGLE in one day.
I always say; if you can’t say anything nice, we have a lot in common.
The Internet is the world’s greatest source of things you don’t really need.
I think my smart phone is broken…. I pressed my home button but I’m still at work.
Do you ever stop and think about the days before Facebook, when you would do something and actually not tell anyone?
Monday, August 8, 2011
Random Status Messages
Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what your not.
Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of HUMOR.
Yawning Is your body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining.
Ironic how there is still "ex" in "next"... guess life is just a cycle between exes and nexts.
The funniest thing about this sentence, is that by the time you realize it says absolutely nothing, it will be to late to stop reading it.
Chances are like thieves! We don`t know when they`ll come, and we don`t realize how much we`ve lost until they are gone.
Don’t let your ears witness what your eyes didn’t see. Don’t let your mouth speak what your heart doesn’t feel.
The worst feeling is pretending you don`t care about something, when really it`s all you seem to think about.
No ones perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. That`s why pencils have erasers..
Dear ` (: ` you are doing it wrong! Sincerely ` :) `
Nobody is perfect so if you want something perfect go buy yourself a barbie.
Just because no one believes you can do it, doesn`t mean you can`t. Believe in yourself and just DO it.
Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.
Relationships are like TATTOOS. They LOOK better than they FEEL.
Black and White are colors, not people!!! LIKE to Stop Racism
Girls know how to fake a smile, boys know how to fake their feelings.
People might change but there are two things that you can`t change them. Their name, and the memories you`ve had with them.
If you leave without a reason, don`t come back with an excuse.
Always listen to your heart. Even though it`s on your left side, it`s always right
Go ahead, take chances. Say no. Spend all your cash. Be random. Say I love you. Cry. Tell a jerk what you think. Live life. Regret nothing.
There are a lot people who call you by your name, but there is only ONE PERSON who can make it sound so SPECIAL.
they say best friends are hard to find: well that`s cause the best ones are already mine...:)
Sometimes the memories are worth the pain.
Cartoons; the only place you can wear the same thing everyday and no one really cares.
When Ever you are Criticized, don`t get Upset. Always remember this.... No stones are thrown on a Fruitless Tree.
Pictures can`t replace being there & memories can`t replace moments.
Always follow your heart...but, Take your brain with you . :)
Sometimes friends can let you down, but once in a while they are the only reason that you are standing up
Experience is how life catches up with us and teaches us to love and forgive each other.
Its funny how the people I meet in the weirdest ways, are usually the most amazing.
Love your haters. They`re ur biggest fans. Because they keep on wasting time just to watch your every move!
There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few can catch your heart.
It`s not about the ones who act true to your face. It`s about the ones that remain true behind your back
Texting with your pinky because you`re eating.
Sometimes no matter how many people care for you, what matters the most is what that one person thinks.
If I got paid of caring you. I`d be a billionaire.
When the world gives you thousands of reasons to cry, Show the world that you have millions of reasons to smile.
My mom says you are what you eat. that`s funny, because I haven`t eaten any sexy beasts recently.
I know a few people hate me, because I`m not good.
but many people love me because they know that
I`m not too bad,,,,,,:)
but many people love me because they know that
I`m not too bad,,,,,,:)
Don`t run from your fears - when they catch up with you, you`ll be too tired to fight
Facebook Fun Messages
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
☻/ღ˚ •。* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛° 。* °♥ ˚ • ★ *˚ .ღ 。 /▌*˛˚ღ •˚ ˚…just sprinkling a little Love on your profile. ~♥~˚ ✰* ★ / ˚. ★ *˛ ˚♥* ✰。˚ ˚ღ。
That awkward moment when someone comments on a really old picture and you realize they were probably stalking your page.
I`m back.. from my Facebook vacation :)
Like If : you hate when you get a notification, but it turns out to be pointless -_-
I made my Facebook status: "I kissed a girl"and then I liked it...
Sitting down real quick to check Facebook and Twitter...an hour later, I`m still there...
Good hair day = New profile picture.
What is Facebook? A place where boy posts a joke there is no response ... but Girl posts same joke she get 95 likes, 35 comment, 15 friend requests..! Like if agree :P
Facebook; the only place where I can be married to my best friend, and have more than 20 siblings.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.
I`m busy "liking" everything on Facebook to counterbalance all the "unliking" I do in real life.
There`s a thin line between "I should make a status about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that."
If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he`d stop saying I`m unproductive.
The awkward moment when someone likes your picture that you posted 8 months ago...
The first and last person to LIKE this status are the sexiest people in the whole wide world! :)
CAUTION: This status will self-destruct in 10 seconds. The only way to stop it is by LIKE it! :D
Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications
Facebook = You realize how different you are from people. Twitter = You realize there are people who knows exactly how you feel.
Is it just me, or does having family members as friends on Facebook limit the things that you can say.
Log Out is the hardest button to press
I remember all my friends` birthday! Since I was on Facebook!
Facebook should get a "I don`t even know you" button, for the dumbasses who like to try to add people they don`t know.
Thanks Facebook, now I don`t know who actually remembered my birthday!
Mom, Dad and Teachers, OK, you`re on Facebook, please don`t invade Twitter now.
Dear Facebook, I can`t believe you still haven`t gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.
You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook status.
That awkward moment when one of your family members sends you a family request on Facebook.
I left MySpace for Facebook, and now I`m cheating on Facebook with Twitter
FACEBOOK FACT The people under your friends list on your wall are the people who visit your wall the most.
"Twitter is over capacity." *Refresh* "Twitter is over capacity." *Refresh* Screw it, I`m getting on Facebook.
Facebook REALLY needs a `No one cares` button
That one day fame on facebook because it`s not birthday.
Thanks to Facebook, i now know what everyone`s bathroom looks like
In an emergency, I`d probably write status about it before calling the police.
Does anybody know how can I send an enemy request on Facebook?
Texting + Facebook= Textbook. So I`m studying.
Love Messages
Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.
The best and most beautiful things in the world can't be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart.
Love is like sunshine. It brings a golden glow to its beholder's face. And a warm feeling all over their body. It awakens souls and opens eyes. And when its over, it leaves billions of small memories called stars. To remind the world, that it still exists.
When you love someone, it's something. When someone loves you, it's another thing. When you love the person who loves you back, it's everything.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return.
Love is like the wind you can see it but you can't feel it.
A love that is denied only goes stronger.
Love people, use things. Don't use people, don't love things.
Don't fall in love with someone you can live with, fall in love with someone you can't live without.
Love isn't finding the perfect person, it is finding the imperfect person and seeing how they are perfect.
If you love someone put their name in a circle not a heart because hearts can break but circles go on forever.
Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without.
Love is two hearts beating as one.
You know your in love when you can't stand being around that person, but when you leave you can't stand being away from them.
Love is when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream.
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Meeting you was fate, becoming you're friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.
2 hearts, 1 souls, 1 beat.
I looked at a flower and thought it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen till I met you.
When you love someone, it's something. When someone loves you, it's another thing. When you love the person who loves you back, it's everything.
Love; A very strong word. Use with extreme caution.
A life without love, is like a year without summer.
Faith makes all things possible. Hope makes all things work. Love makes all things beautiful.
Love doesn't make the world go round, it just makes the ride worthwhile.
Love is in your heart not to stay, but to be shared.
The most amazing feeling in the world is to look at someone you really care about and know they feel the same way about you
Love Is like war... Easy to start... Difficult to end.
Love is a journey not a destination.
Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.
True love doesn't have a happy ending because true love doesn't have an ending.
The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.
You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not the reason behind that happiness.
There are 3 great things in this world
The first thing is for you to love someone
The second thing is for someone to love you back
And the third greatest thing is for the first and second thing to happen at the same time.
The first thing is for you to love someone
The second thing is for someone to love you back
And the third greatest thing is for the first and second thing to happen at the same time.
Love is just a word till someone you meet gives it a meaning.
If you love someone, you give everything you can and don't expect to receive anything in return.
Love can touch you just one time but it can last for a life time.
Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you but trusting them not to.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person
An hour to appreciate them
A day to love them
But then an entire life to forget them
An hour to appreciate them
A day to love them
But then an entire life to forget them
No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.
Love is nothing if there is no one to share it with.
It's hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don't ever let go.
Love is to think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself.
Love is like sunshine. It brings a golden glow to its beholder's face. And a warm feeling all over their body. It awakens souls and opens eyes. And when its over, it leaves billions of small memories called stars. To remind the world, that it still exists.
Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you have in the end.
Love is dangerous because you have to choose someone you know is going to be good to you and treat you with respect; if you choose the wrong person then it will break youre heart. To be in true love means that you trust someone with everything.
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